shame

Shame is the hot, sinking feeling that comes when other people see you at your worst. Eyes on the floor, face going red, the wish that the room would empty. It is the feeling of being seen, not merely of having done wrong.

Shame is also the disgrace itself: you bring shame on your family, or you tell someone there is no shame in asking for help. As a verb, to shame someone is to make them feel it, which is what name and shame campaigns set out to do. Then there is the everyday use that has nothing to do with disgrace at all — what a shame, it is a shame he could not come — where shame means only that something is unfortunate, and in Britain this is the use you will hear most. Two adjectives get swapped by mistake: a shameful act is disgraceful, a shameless person feels no shame at all. Guilt is about what you did; shame is about what you are, which is why it is heavier and harder to put down.

Phrases it lives in

• put someone to shame — to be so much better that the other person looks poor by comparison
• name and shame — to identify wrongdoers publicly so that people judge them
• shame on you — said to tell someone their behaviour is disgraceful

Also practised as

• nounSomething unfortunate or disappointing.